I don’t give this blog nearly enough attention. I feel like I owe everyone (myself?) an explanation. It’s primarily a combination of two specific factors, the first of which is timing. Each of the few entries I’ve made started with an idea that came to me at work. Unfortunately I’m not able to just churn out entries sitting at my desk, so I keep a notebook where I can jot down anything interesting my mind happens to dig up (writing topics, lyrics, ideas, reminders, etc). But by the time I make it home, The idea that was once so clear has now become muddled. I can’t remember that specific point I wanted to make, or the exact phrasing I wanted to use. Maybe that’s on me for not taking more detailed notes (I typically just write the key topic, then maybe a few bullet points that I’d like to cover), but regardless…by the time I get home and I’m sitting here, locked in a staring contest with a blinking cursor, the idea has been warped. Not drastically, but just enough for me to know that it’s not the same…that it’s inferior to what I’d initially thought of.
Which brings me to my second point, the curse of all creative-types: Self-criticism. Often when I reach that point (where I know the best version of the entry has been lost, but still remain committed to write something), I’ll try my best to capture the ideas I originally had. But the entire time there’s this voice telling me “This is awful. You know that the other one was so much better. Why are you even wasting time with this?” And honestly, they’re all valid points. When I write (or make music…or do anything), I don’t like to half-ass the effort. But by putting out version 2.0 of random-blog-topic, that’s what I’m doing. I’m hitting “publish post” and sending out something that I know is far from the best I could do. Do I want to have this “eh” article represent my thoughts and opinions? Usually not, which is why I can tell you that numerous posts have been deleted and lost to the world. I wish I could change my thinking, or at least find some common ground, but as of this date it hasn’t happened yet. The only reason that this post exists is because the idea came to me shortly after waking up, and I still have 10 minutes before I need to start getting ready for work. I can’t let an idea sit on the bench, it needs to be given life immediately…there’s a very small window of opportunity.
Will this admission actually change anything? I have no idea. In the past, I’ve had a lot of success putting problems to paper. Once I finish writing, I’m able to step back and see the issue from an outside perspective, which allows me to come up with a logical solution that’s not weighed down by the emotional attachments. Maybe that’s my hope for this, but we’ll see. If I go another month or two without an update, you’ll know the reason why.